God Morning Family,I felt the need to write this directly after prayer before I lose the freshness of what God did this morning.
I awoke feeling as if something was wrong and began to wonder what it was I had done to offend God.
As I began to pray I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Just Worship". I put on Jesus Culture 'We Cry Out' and began to sing. Casting aside self-consciousness about the way I sounded I belted out the song and felt something begin to break.
Then I knew what the problem was. Weeping loudly I began to repent for Idolatry in my heart.
Let me back up.
In March I completed a 40 day fast. I prayed for the things God laid on my heart but I also prayed for me to be self controlled in my eating. I had hoped that after the fast I would be able to just enjoy food the way God made it...natural and healthy. As my husband would say...NO HAPS. I went back to my old way of eating and gained back the weight. I did however sense that God wanted to deal with this. To show me the root of my out of control eating. So declaring a minor revolution I refuse to diet (starve) anymore and either God will help me or I'll be obese!
Yesterday the air conditioner in my house stopped working, I had a fender bender, two business appointments canceled without notice, God gave me instructions for my business that will take me waaaay beyond my comfort zone, and I was literally a hot mess.
So I ate.
I ate chocolate.
I ate chocolate and wallowed in self pity until it was time for work at 6pm.
Fast forward to this morning. On my knees I wept in repentance and asked God to be EVERYTHING to me because...
...HE ...IS ...NOT.
When I'm sad, or angry, or excited, or happy, bored, or just bummed out that I can't have my way I turn to everything else but Him. Especially food.
My idols are not little stone gods that I offer up blood sacrifices to.
They are the movies I watch when I feel like my life will never change. They are the Twinkies, Little Debbies, and Mcdonald Filet-O-Fish I have (when my husband and kids aren't watching) to comfort me when I'm sad.
It's the whirlwind cleaning I do when I want to rip someones head off and the money I spend because I'm too broke to buy what I really want.
It's the multitude of contests I register for hoping to win thousands to get our family out of debt.
It's the works I do, even the Christian works, to impress people because I lust after praise!
My idols are whatever I turn to instead of God when I'm in need or lack fulfillment.
When the gut wrenching sobs came to an end my 3 year old son said, "Mom, why are you crying?"
I answered, "Because Mommy made God sad."
I've been reading Jeremiah which is all about the penalty for idolatry. Despite repeated warnings Israel insisted on worshiping idols while claiming all along that they loved God and were doing nothing wrong. Finally God allowed them to become slaves in Babylon, an idolatrous nation.
If one isn't careful when reading Jeremiah it can seem to be just a book of judgment.
As I read it I hear the righteous anger of God, but I also hear the sorrow of a jilted husband. After all the faithful love, provision, protection and blessing God poured out on His people, like a whore they turned to other lovers, wiped their mouths, and said with a smirk, "We've done nothing wrong."
God wants to be my everything. My comfort when I'm sad, my entertainment when I'm bored, my peace when I'm angry. My caffeine when I'm tired. He wants me to climb into His lap, lay my head against His strong chest, and tell Him my every problem.
When I turn to food, video games, face book, or even coffee, 5 Hour shots, or Monsters for energy (Yeah I said it...don't stone the messenger) Instead of seeking whatever I need in prayer from Him, I am in effect telling God He is not good enough or powerful enough to help me. In effect I'm saying to the one who died because He desperately loves me....I don't want you, I love someone else.
These are the American Idols and I'm not alone.
Family please join me by doing the following:
1) Take quality time and allow God to search your heart and in repentance confess your idols to Him.
2) Invite the Holy Spirit to give you the fear of the Lord and convict you when, instead of God and His Power, you are trusting in other people/things/yourself.
3) Confess to God you do not love Him the way He deserves and ask Him to fill your heart until He is your everything.
4) Maintain a life of prayer and Bible reading and study.
5) Be accountable to mature Christians who aren't afraid to call you to the carpet in love.
Psalm 63
A David Psalm, When He Was out in the Judean Wilderness
1 O God, you are my God;I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.
Stay in Prayer and in the Word!
Love in our Lord,
Lauren
