Crucifixion

God afternoon and Merry Christmas Family,

I can't seem to get away from this theme but Jesus truly was our example. This means in order to understand how I should function as a Christian all I need do is study His life as written in the Word of God.

I remember when we went as a family to go see the movie The Passion. I felt a bit odd because I didn't really want to cry, though I was struck to the core by the depth of Jesus' suffering for us. Instead I was a grimly elated. Jesus paid it all for me so I wouldn't have to.

I remember thinking, "I'm glad Jesus died. I'm glad He suffered. I'm glad for every stripe, every mocking word, every humiliation He suffered. I'm glad He went to the cross!" I'm still glad.

Oh, how I love my Jesus, but there was no other way for my sin to be paid for. If there was the Father would have told Him. It was either me or Jesus. Am I glad that it was my sin that He had to suffer for? Oh no, but my sin was pretty much a done deal and someone was going to die for it. Again, I am grimly elated and grateful that He was the one.

I say grimly because Jesus died not only for my sin but as an example to me. Somewhere, somehow I will be expected to suffer for someone else. No, my suffering will not pay for their sin. Only Jesus could have done that. But I can, and will be called often, to lay down my life so someone else can have the opportunity to be blessed. So will you dear one.

From giving money away that we wanted to spend on ourselves or actively, generously, and aggressively loving those who treat us badly, we will all encounter these crucifixion moments.

Like Jesus, we will all at once, have a choice and no choice at all. None of us are forced to be nailed to the cross, yet for those who are truly His, how can we do anything else but our Father's will?

The reality is we will love and forgive so many, but the majority will reject the kind sacrifices we make in His name. Yet, we keep taking up our cross for the few, even the ONE, who will see Christ in our willingness to put them before ourselves.

I'm glad He gave up His life for me.

May someone somewhere, somehow, be able to say...

....I'm glad Lauren gave up her life for me.

Stay in Prayer and in the Word and have the best Christmas ever!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Prosperity?

God Evening Family,

Having money does not mean you are prosperous. You are not blessed because you have material wealth, business success, or the respect of the multitudes.

Like wise you are not impoverished because you lack financial security.

The word prosper (prosperity, prosperous, prospered) really is an Old Testament word. In the New Testament we only find prosper and prospereth used once in 3 John 2,

Beloved, I wish above all things that thous mayest prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospereth...

and prospered used in 1 Cor 16:2,

Upon the first day of the week let every one of you lay by him in store, as God has prospered him...

In each of these scriptures the Greek word euodoo is used. This word does mean success in business affairs in a figurative sense. But the main definition is simply, help on the road.

I'm finally learning that true wealth has nothing to do with how many zeroes are at the end of a number. True wealth is not found in what you possess but in who possesses you. It's not in who you know but who you put your trust in. Who is helping you along the way makes all the difference.

Jesus became poor that we might become rich. What does that mean? When Jesus hung on the cross His fellowship with the Father through the Holy Spirit was broken. This is true poverty. But Jesus was willing to pay the price that through His suffering we might all receive the treasure of God with us. The Holy Spirit is the grace of life that enables us to excel beyond our own earthly and fleshly limitations.

Riches are not money...true riches are inside information. It's almost like cheating. We don't have to figure out everything ourselves the way the heathen do. We need first

to be in relationship with the Holy Spirit and second be listening for His slightest whisper. There is no value in wracking your brain and burning the midnight oil in worry. God favors those who are devoted to His Spirit and understand without Him they can do nothing.

God's people perish for lack of knowledge needlessly. He who holds all knowledge hungers for eager students. He will give help to any who will trust Him...and wait.

Let us say we are prosperous because He is our help. Let us say we are blessed we trust Him who has all knowledge. Let us say we are rich because He loves us and gave us His Spirit....our Helper on the road.

...For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God...1 Cor 10:4-5 KJV

Stay in Prayer and in the Word!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

The Holy Spirit

God Afternoon Family,

This bears repeating in the light of the coming Christmas Season.

The Holy Spirit is so awesome. He truly is God with us. He is waiting, anticipating the moment when we will realize HE IS PRESENT. He longs for the one who will acknowledge Him and inquire of Him. It is the one that says "Teach me Holy Spirit" that causes His heart to leap with joy.

We go through our lives so hurried and distracted. We just breeze past the Holy Spirit, and sometimes trample over Him, to do what we think is best. He is so humble. He just picks Himself up brushes off our footprints and waits some more.

Oh how He loves us Family! He so wants to help us. Softly He speaks, barely over a whisper, the words that would take us to that place of blessing. We hear but we do not hear. Then after our lives fall apart because of our way of doing things we accuse God of not helping.

He is here! He is ever present! He desires to see us blessed more than we do. But He has a way. He will not shout, or force His way in. He is love and love waits to be invited.

Our Jesus died that we may know Him intimately. Even when He walked this earth no one had such a great privilege. Then, He could only be known in a crowd. But now His Spirit dwells IN US. He is Emmanuel...GOD WITH US! Yet we barely take notice...

How meek and gentle He is to wait for a people so stupid. How merciful the Father that He doesn't destroy us for treating The Holy Spirit like a pair of dirty socks.

Let us seek Him while He can be found Family. He waits and waits....

He will not wait forever.


Then she said, "Samson, the Philistines are here!"
He woke up and thought, "I'll leave as I did before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the Lord had left him. Judges 16:20 (NCV)

Stay in Prayer and in the Word.

Love in Our Lord,

Lauren

Glory to Glory

God Morning Family,

It really cracks me up whenever I hear someone preaching about going "from glory to glory" and the people start shouting, cheering, and clapping. I'm no party pooper, but I don't think many

are really studying their Bibles. When the man or woman of God begins to preach that we will go from glory to glory or victory to victory I want to shout "don't forget to tell what happens in the in-between!". If people really understood the in-between they're response would be a little more sober and alot more reflective.

First let's remember that Jesus Christ was our example as well as our Master. He walked it out so we could know what it would look like.

First when Jesus came to this earth He gave up His glory. He gave up His rights, privileges, and His own will. The glory to glory walk begins with choosing to do find and do the will of God to the exclusion of all else. Good ideas (my desires, opinions, and will) pale in comparison to God ideas.

Second Jesus was willing to endure disapproval (from even His family) criticism, and hate in order to do His Father's will. He focused on His mission even though it made Him a very unpopular person.

Third when it came time to finish His mission, to do the hard thing, He didn't shrink back. He went to His Father in prayer, was honest about His resistance to God's plan, and stayed in prayer until He was strengthened to obey.

Fourth He suffered mentally and physically. Falsely accused, deserted by those closest to Him, beaten, tortured, and hung on a cross without hope of rescue. This was God's will and it was no party.

Fifth He died. He looked like a failure. To everyone who heard His words it was as victory died with Him, but they simply lacked understanding. Man does not define success the way God does and in our way of thinking a victorious battle should never include our death. But to God the death of one righteous obedient man leads to the salvation of the multitudes.

Sixth He resurrected. The power of the Holy Spirit brought this God-Man to life. Death had no power over Him.

Finally He ascended to sit at the right hand of the Father and came into all glory and power.

This is our pattern family and there is no way around it. The righteous will indeed go from glory to glory, and many times. But the in the in-between there are great trials and suffering, death even,whether it be to the flesh or a real dying and going to be with the Lord.

Do not faint, nor lose heart in the in-between, glory and reward is in His hands.

"Yes, I'm on my way! I'll be there soon! I'm bringing my payroll with me. I'll pay all people in full for their life's work. I'm A to Z, the First and the Final, Beginning and Conclusion. Revelation 22:12 (The Message)

Stay in the Word and in Prayer!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Passion

God Afternoon Family,

I have an ax to grind if you don't mind.

I'm not too fond of the church's current definition of passion.

There is a popular teaching that says in order to discover God's purpose in your life find out what you have a passion for. This in itself is not wrong but the way most Christians define passion goes something like this,

Whatever you love doing or thinking about...whatever consumes you...whatever makes you feel good...that's your passion.

May I say that is an accurate definition for anything that excites the flesh. I love overeating sweets, staying up late and watching t.v., spending weeks at an expensive resort in Maui doing nothing but being waited on, and buying whatever I want at the mall. This is my passion.

There are 3 times the word passion is used in the Bible. James 5:17 and Acts 14:15 use passion in reference to the natural man and his inclination toward fickle emotions, temptations, and weaknesses.

Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. James 5:17 KJV

Acts 1:3 uses the word passion to describe the suffering and death Jesus endured in obedience to the will of His Father.

To whom also he shewed himself alive after his passion by many infallible proofs, being seen of them forty days, and speaking of the things pertaining to the kingdom of God...Acts 1:3 KJV

The Strong's Concordance defines passion in Acts 1:3 as Sensation or Impression (Usually painful.)

Jesus said His meat (source of strength, satisfaction, fulfillment) was to do His Father's will...even to the point of death. The fact that He wept blood in the garden of Gethsemane and asked His Father to let that particular cup pass from Him, tells me His flesh, in no way, felt good about the suffering He was about to endure. Yet, through prayer, He was strengthened to obey.

In my 14 years of salvation it's a pretty rare occurrence that God tells me to do something that makes me feel good and excites my flesh. Maybe it's just me, but God usually makes me do something I don't want to do. In the long run I'm glad I obeyed but initially I generally find that the will of God for me is not much fun and takes me way out of my comfort zone.

Passion.

There is one thing and one thing only that should satisfy a Christian, that should eat away at us until we are nearly insane, that should consume us until we burn...

To find out and then do the will of the one who died for us...no matter the pain it causes us.

This is passion.
Then Jesus explained: “My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work...John 4:34 NLT

Stay in prayer and in the Word!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Wilderness

God Evening Family,

This morning as I prayed I felt such a desire to cry out for God's tangible presence to be with me always. But then I sensed a question.

"Why do you want my presence?"

My answer seemed reasonable, at first. When I'm lost in His presence I'm nicer, wiser, happier, and stronger. Being in His presence is like living in the eye of a storm. All around is chaos but in the center is his peace. Life is easier in His presence, I prefer that to struggling.

Suddenly I realized how self-centered my desire for more of God was. I want more of God, not because He is so wonderful, but because He makes me look wonderful. I want Him near, not because He is my all consuming joy but because He makes my life more bearable. My hunger for God has a form of godliness but God has a way of getting to the truth doesn't He?

It is true that when God's presence manifests in our lives it is His goodness that allows such a blessing.

It is equally true that when we can't feel Him it is His goodness that allows that as well.

When we do not feel God we realize how corrupt our attitudes, motives, and desires really are. We cry out for the anointing but what we really need is mortification. Somehow the anointing covers up our filthy flesh, and yet it still lives. God doesn't want the flesh prettied up with His anointing. He wants the flesh dead. Therefore it is a greater goodness to leave us in the dry wilderness to die to ourselves.

In the dry wilderness we are anything but beautiful and God seems have abandoned us, yet He is nearer to us than ever. We can't feel Him or hear Him, but He's watching over us as carefully as a mother her sick children. Just as despair would swallow us up He comes, reassuring us He is there. Once we are comforted He withdraws again.

It is not enough for Him that He covers up our perversity. He wants us clean through and through, holy, just like Him. In the wilderness we are changed...if we endure.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

Stay in prayer and in the Word!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Fruitbearing

God Afternoon Family,

I am amazed at how often I forget how utterly stupid I am without God. Of course I ought not be amazed...it is because I am stupid that I do forget I know nothing unless the Holy Spirit reveals it.

This past few weeks God has been dealing with me concerning my character. If you ever watch the show The Office you should be familiar with Dwight. He has a hunger for authority and doesn't mind intimidating people to get his way. He is arrogant, overbearing, and thinks more highly of himself than anyone should. I'm something like that...or at least I was.

Lately God has been dealing with me concerning the fruit of the Spirit, which I've never taken very seriously. When I think of fruit I tend to think in terms of numbers of people who I lead, work I've accomplished, sacrifice. This is where the stupid part comes in...I rarely think in terms of this scripture,

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Gal 5:22-23 NKJV

I've been saved 14 years and it took all of it for God to get me to the place where I finally understand that the end does not justify the means. Bullying people to accomplish God's will is not God's will. I may get the job done but when I think in terms of reward loss somehow it takes the sweetness out of the success.

Let me explain. God desires that men fear him not one another. Therefore if I intimidate people into doing what I say, then they do what they do as unto me, not as unto the Lord. Because they obeyed me out of fear and not a sincere desire to honor God they lose their reward. The work was accomplished but the worker labored in vain.

I am a leader in God's kingdom. I take my responsiblity for God's people seriously. If I intimidate others into fearing me above God I have caused them to sin. I have sinned. This realization has caused me to pause in my walk with God.

Without love, joy, peace, patience, self-control, etc...I am a tree without fruit and good for nothing except to be cursed by God. I am a Pharisee, the blind leading the blind.

But yet God loves me and bore with me these past 14 years until I could understand. Therefore I refuse to waste time in regret. He didn't bring me this far to leave me now. It's His will that I go forward and He will lead the way. I've confessed my sin and now He will bless Me to live a life that brings honor to Him. It's fruitbearing time!

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phil 3:13-14 (The Message)

Stay in prayer and in the Word!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Scars

God Afternoon Family,

I have skin that scars very easily. As a child I would rarely wear shorts because my shins were so banged up. One morning as I was praying I glance down and the scars on my arms seemed to stand out in stark relief. The next few minutes of prayer went something like this,

God my arms are so ugly can't I just go dip in the Jordan River like Naaman and come out with skin soft, beautiful, and young? (2 Kings 5)

Daughter I love your scars.

What? What do you mean?

Well like that scar on your left forearm....

The big one I got from jumping a hurdle that was too high for me when I ran track in high school?

Yes! What I love about it is you didn't think you could do it, but when your coach told you to take that event you tried with all your might.

But I wiped out God...flat on my face.

But you didn't quit. That scar is a permanent reminder that you're no quitter. It speaks of who you are.

But my scars are so ugly God and permanent.

So are the scars in the hands and feet of my Son.

Every scar has a story to tell. Every scar speaks of a persons life; where they have been, what they spent their time doing, what they loved most. There are scars that carry shame and there are the scars of great warriors. There are even those who carry no scars because they would never take a risk in life.

Obeying God involves risk. Those who say it does not perhaps have never had God challenge them to give up something they love. To do something they fear the most. Whether one risks their reputation, finances, or relationships, doing the will of God has a price. It's going to hurt one way or another. In the end there will be a wound that with time will become a scar. A scar that tells the story of what it costs to obey God.

The rich young ruler should have had a scar. Jesus told him to sell all he had and follow Him. (Mk 10:17-23) With shaking hands, a lump in his throat, and the knowledge that everyone would think he was a lunatic, he should have obeyed the Master. Years down the road as he was preaching the Gospel and healing the sick perhaps a memory would surface of the comfort he gave up to follow Jesus. But as he saw people coming to the Kingdom of God, being set free from sin, he would smile and think, It was worth it. The ache of sacrifice gone and the wound now just a painless reflection of the cost of following Christ.

He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum.But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. Is 53:2-6 The Message

Stay in prayer and in the Word!

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Suicide Watch

It is so wonderful having a big family. Oh, it gets chaotic in my house, but I am not really looking forward to the day when they leave the nest one by one. I love the days when we are all together laughing and at peace. I love having six children to kiss goodnight.

What I hate are the times when life is going on as usual, then suddenly a scream of pain shatters the silence. I hate turning a corner with my arms filled with laundry only to run into an upturned face covered in blood.

I'll never forget when little Chelsea's hand was slammed in the car door and we had to take her for stitches. I'll always remember the terror of 2 year old Shannon falling out of a three story apartment window when the screen gave way as she leaned on it. The story of John Daniel playing Superman and putting his foot through his glass window as he was attempting to fly is classic....blood everywhere (And more stitches). Calling the ambulance on Christmas day because Salome thought it would be fun to drink finger nail polish remover was almost as interesting as calling poison control the day her little brother Mikos decided to drink bleach. Michael is 2 and I have no stories to tell about him. He will hopefully allow his mom to raise him in peace.

I thought it a very apt description when I heard parenting described as "suicide watch". We love our children, feed them, clothe and shelter them...and try our best to keep them from killing themselves until they grow up. Perhaps pastoring, leading, or mentoring should all be labeled the same way.

There is something rather perverse about human nature. I've noticed from the moment people get saved you really do have to watch them like a hawk. There are people who, no matter how good God is to them, will go out of there way to sabotage their walk. God gives them life and they do what they can to destroy that life.

They hang out with the wrong people, listen to and look at all the wrong things. They won't listen to wisdom and think you're trying to control their lives.

You can preach, pray, and praise them and they will still find a way to get entangled in pride, bitterness, or offense.

They are the ones who are bored at prayer meetings, but love to hang out with people who gossip. They find no value in reading the Bible but love entertainment. (The more carnal the better) They love to talk about everything but Jesus. You look at their immaturity (They've been in the church 15 years) and wonder if you're wasting your time.

Yet God says to bear with them, be patient, don't give up. Maybe they won't let you disciple them but keep watching over them. Don't let them kill themselves. Perhaps with time and trials they will weary of their way of doing things and let Jesus be Lord.

Perhaps they will soften their hearts and actually get saved.

Don't stop watching.

"Son of man, I've made you a watchman for the family of Israel. Whenever you hear me say something, warn them for me. If I say to the wicked, 'You are going to die,' and you don't sound the alarm warning them that it's a matter of life or death, they will die and it will be your fault. I'll hold you responsible. But if you warn the wicked and they keep right on sinning anyway, they'll most certainly die for their sin, but you won't die. You'll have saved your life.

Ezekiel 3:17-19 The Message

Stay in Prayer and in the Word.

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Suffering

As I was praying this morning a song came,

You are glorious Lord, and I'll share in your suffering. And I'll bear your shame O God, for you are glorious.

There are times as I sit in service and hear the people shout and clap, that I think to myself, They hear but they do not hear. Most of God's people must not pray or really read His Word. I laugh when I hear people shouting whenever some one preaches about going from glory to glory. They either don't know or forget that suffering and death precede glory. So yes, the victorious will indeed go from glory to glory but they're going to endure alot of pain on the trip.

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket. I love the exuberance and the prophetic Words and the call to go higher. I just think that the majority of God's people are like the Jews on Palm Sunday. They love the triumphant march, the songs, and the atmosphere but they really don't know, or understand the mission of Jesus Christ. He was born to die that others might live. He expects us to do the same.

When Jesus told us to come and follow Him He didn't mean for us to simply accompany Him on His journey as a spectator, but to be as He is. He said if we would not be willing to lay down our lives and pick up the cross we couldn't be His disciples. If we would not allow ourselves to be nailed to that cross, endure it's shame and pain, and finally die on it, daily, we could not be called His children.

Satan's doctrine is spreading through out the church. It says you can be a Christian without being a disciple of Christ. It lulls those that call themselves by His name into false hope and security by promising painless salvation. It declares that the cross is only for the really dedicated and hyper-spiritual. It soothes the flesh that only special Christians are called to that kind of life, but it's not for everyone. You don't have to be that radical to be saved, you're not Jesus you know. This is the lie that keeps God's people running after the comfort of this world...running from the suffering of this present life, into eternal suffering and torment in hell.

Please understand, having your lights turned off because you spent your electric bill money foolishly is not suffering, neither is enduring the shame of pregnancy apart from wedlock. The hardship we endure from bad decisions, or sin, is simply reaping the consequences of what we've sown.

True suffering is the loss, persecution, or trials one experiences from being obedient to God. Biblical suffering often causes those we love to suffer as well, through no fault of their own. Suffering comes to all who will live Godly...to all who refuse to compromise their faith for the sake of comfort or popularity.

The servant will never be greater than the Master. Jesus set the example. We are to walk in His footprints and drink from the same cup.

Suffering is not a part of the Christian life, it is the Christian life.

It is the Jesus life.

I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.

Phil 3:10 The Message

Stay in prayer and in the Word.

Love in our Lord,
Lauren

I Jacob

God Evening Family,

As I consider God's hand on my life I find myself asking...why.

I am impatient and demanding. I am controlling and have been told I am bossy. I hate waiting on God and it took me 14 years to start learning to trust Him. I lean towards bullying and manipulation when I'm trying to accomplish a goal and people are being people. When I want something I pursue it until it's mine or I'm thoroughly convinced it's unattainable. Deceitfulness is a shameful habit I'm ruthlessly crushing beneath my feet.

Despite my flaws I love the things of God. Despite my flaws God loves that about me.


I am Jacob.

I am a dichotomy of contradiction.

I long to see men of God rise up and violently take the kingdom by force. I pray and fast that men would break free from this world, from their own minds, and take dominion. I dream of the day when men will be men and a real man is not an exception. Like Jacob, however, I may be one who sits by the fire cooking stew, but if the opportunity presents itself I will take Esau's birthright.

You O man, by birth, should be leading the kingdom as it advances in this world. What a day of rejoicing that would be to see men lead their families in worship, in prayer, in sacrifice, labor, and destiny. But do not think that I sit idly back waiting for that day as I tend to my children and clean my house. I'm spending time in prayer, in the Word, and His Spirit is speaking to me. I'm being discipled by passionate men and women while you push your teachers into a corner. I'm crying out for more of Him and the grace to keep His Word while you're praying for more money. God is enlarging me, preparing me, transforming me while you are obsessing over basketball and football scores.

I covet your blessing. I grind my teeth in anger as you despise what God has freely given. I am dumbfounded as God offers you platforms to preach the gospel and you just turn away in disinterest or fear. Your apathy towards the things of God...towards God Himself renders me speechless.

I am no feminist. I have learned to appreciate being what God has made me. I enjoy tending my home and raising my children. I would be content to cheer for your victories, O man, from the sidelines of my home. I would be happy to just be an average wife and mother while you conquer the world.

But something is brewing in me. A desire that is increasing daily. Guard your heart man. If you don't want your birthright I do. If the blessing of God means nothing to you I'll slip in while you're pursing the world and take it. You may question my method but God will love me all the more for it.

I am Jacob.

I am becoming Israel.

Who are you?

As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. Rom 9:13

Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. Hebrews 12:16-17 (King James Version)

Stay in prayer and in the Word,

Love in our Lord,

Lauren

Grief

My children and I were at a local fast food joint when a good friend of mine caught my attention and we began to chat. Pausing in the conversation to check on my children, I realized my 2 year old daughter was no longer with me. Frantically I looked around and spotted her running in the middle of the street. Without hesitation I ran after her as fast as I could, screaming her name. Before I could get to her a car plowed into her and drug her down the road. Screaming I ran after her. When I finally got to my baby she was lying face up, her little body mangled and bleeding to death, her face ashen as the life drained out of her. Her big blue eyes gazed into mine as I began to command life back into her. I rebuked the spirit of death and pleaded with God for a miracle...but there, in the middle of the street, in a matter of seconds, my youngest daughter died.

I awoke from that hellish dream sobbing from the very depth of me. Though it was only a nightmare it felt so real. The bottom had fallen out of my world and I couldn't pray. I couldn't shake myself out of that sense of absolute helplessness. The emotional pain shook me to the core. My husband, startled out of his sleep prayed for me. After some time I finally drifted off to sleep, but to this day (about 4 years later) the memory of that dream still paralyzes me.

Tonight, after Bible Study, the dream surfaced again. Usually I try to quickly put it out of my head but this time I let the memories come. This time God spoke.

That horrible dream was not from the devil, as I had assumed but God. My daughter was no different than the countless souls that reject Jesus Christ. Just like a two year old playing on a busy street, they have no sense of the danger that exists. They go about their lives not realizing that hell looms in their very near future...and it's forever. Those who reject Jesus truly do not know what they do.

Just as I ran down the road screaming in terror for my daughter,God runs after the lost...after every backslider. He begs and pleads, through everyone who will share the gospel, for the sinner to repent lest they suffer judgement. Just as my daughter was fatally struck down, the unbeliever will also be struck down. As the life drains from them God will look on each one overcome with unspeakable grief, helplessly unable to save them...from their own free will.

The gravity of what God showed me weighed on my heart. I don't grieve over the lost souls of my friends who turned their backs on God. Oh I care, but usually I'm just mad that they made such a stupid decision. I'm angry that they spent so little time in prayer, or wouldn't be transparent and open up. I get disgusted at their selfishness and frankly would like to slap some sense into them.

God is in love with every lost soul. He loves them enough to give them the freedom to choose. He loves them as they spit on the death of His son. He loves everyone in hell. I do not.

I do, however, love my daughter, so I asked the Holy Spirit to never let me forget that dream. I may never feel the depth of God's sorrow but by His mercy He has given me a glimpse into the pain in His heart. May that propel me to do all that is in my power to keep a soul from hell, that I may bring joy to His ever grieving heart.

The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.

Is 31:3

Stay in Prayer and in the Word.

Love in Our Lord,

Lauren

Change

God Evening Family,

I'm in the midst of transition. I personally love and despise (mostly despise) change. I enjoy day dreaming about 'what will be' concerning the promises God has given me, but I personally wish God would let me write the script concerning how it will be done.

We were having a ladies meeting just two weeks ago and as we were worshipping God in song I was thinking some very judgemental thoughts about one of the ladies. In exasperation over my critical spirit I thought, Lord, can't I just go to a mountain somewhere and be alone with you? Right after that our Pastor's wife began to sing these words in the prophetic,

Who will go to the mountain of the Lord, who will go to the mountain of the Lord, who will go to the mountain of the Lord....I will!

Suffice it to say the next day I began a 40 day trek to the mountain of God. The Lord nudged me to begin to read Exodus and I was delighted to find there are exactly 40 chapters in that book...One for each day of my trip. Of course I'm not making a physical journey to Horeb but each day that goes by I'm learning about myself and about God. Though I haven't left home it feels as if I'm on a sabbatical.

One of the things I'm realizing as I read Exodus is how much we are inclined to resist God. The Israelites cried out for deliverance from slavery but when the answer (change) came they resisted. I imagine when they were praying for freedom they never imagined God would lead them out of Egypt on foot into the desert. They probably imagined some great warrior would rise up, storm Pharaoh's palace, there would be a mighty slaughter, and the Hebrews would rule Egypt. They would stay in that familiar place...maybe upgrade their house but, except for the slavery part, life would go on as usual.

I have some opinions about how I think God should do things, but I never realized until this week how much I cling to those opinions. God has been trying to bless me and my family for a long time. He's been trying to get us on the move to the promise land and I've sat down in the sand like a mule (Jack A_ _?) and I have refused to budge because the way He's doing it doesn't line up with the way I'd like to see it done.

This can't be God it's too different...no one else is doing it like that...what will people think?

God specializes in the unexpected which is hard for a control freak like me. I hate surprises. I want to know what's going on, make the decisions, give the orders. I WANT TO BE...god.

I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. “But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Is 43:17-19 (The Message)

Stay in Prayer and in the Word.

Love in Our Lord,

Lauren